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Anybody who has been following marijuana policy in America over the past several months will be aware of the dangers posed by our new Attorney General, Jeff Sessions. Sessions has be quoted stating that “good people don’t smoke marijuana” and joking that the worst part of the KKK is that they smoke weed (Sorry Jeff, so does everybody else). In fact, it wouldn’t be a stretch to argue that the man may be the single strongest anti-marijuana force in North America.

This is why recent news is all the more surprising. Though we’re still waiting on photos, reports have been confirmed that Sessions was caught burning that fuego with Calvin Broadus (AKA Snoop Doggy Dogg, AKA Snoop AKA Tha Dogfather) and Willie Nelson. Reportedly, the group was observed after getting into a mild altercation about the best way to consume marijuana.

The initial confrontation emerged, reports suggest, after Willie Nelson brought out a bong. Sessions responded that he didn’t want to leave fingerprints and requested that the trio smoke a blunt instead. Snoop Dogg then proceeded to shout “keep that blunt in your pocket loc. ‘Cause Doggy Dogg only fuck with the Zig-Zag smoke”, before physically assaulting Attorney General Sessions in a move often referred to as a “pimp slap”.

At this point, Willie Nelson physically separated the pair and was able to restore order to the conversation. Broadus then clarified that although he was opposed to the smoking of a Philly Blunt, he would be open sharing a Dutch Master, in either honey, cognac, or – preferably – vanilla flavor.

The three then proceeded to roll and smoke the vanilla Dutch.

It is unclear if these reports will impact federal policy regarding marijuana, or if Jeff Sessions believes himself to be a “good person”.
Also, hey there Daily Leaf readers. We love you. Happy April Fool’s Day.